Sunday, February 21, 2016

Hiking Memes Volume Two

This is the second volume of hiking memes I've put together for your enjoyment, as a tribute to your good taste.  If this were Buzzfeed I'd say that you won't believe #5, and that this post will CHANGE THE WAY YOU THINK ABOUT EVERYTHING!!!

But it probably won't.  You might laugh a bit, though, and that will be good enough.
Feel free to steal 'em and share 'em, if you're into that kind of thing.










 








Tuesday, February 2, 2016

The Northern Terminus Of The Appalachian Trail: A Modest Proposal

Katahdin, topped with either clouds or an unacceptable
amount of pot smoke, depending on whom you ask.

The Background


  On November 19th, 2014, Jensen Bissell, the Director of Baxter State Park, sent a letter to Ron Tipton and Wendy Janssen.  Ron Tipton is the Executive Director of the ATC and is also a former AT thru-hiker (1978).  Wendy Janssen is the Superintendent of the Appalachian National Scenic Trail and to my surprise is NOT also the female protagonist in Peter Pan.

In the letter, Director Bissell outlines his concerns about the increasing number of thru-hikers that has risen to a shocking and unsustainable 3% of the 63,000+ annual park gate visitors, and notes that ATC’s vision of more people enjoying outdoor recreation runs counter to the Park Authority’s vision of a “fixed capacity” of non-car driving visitors who will enter the park and not act like complete idiots, or at the very least will not share their acts of idiocy on social media.

In addition to concerns about sheer numbers, the letter includes a list of observed bad behavior and neediness by thru-hikers in the park that is “not meant . . . to serve as a litany of complaints,” but manages to serve quite well in that capacity anyway, in the same way that anything said before the phrase “no offense intended” was probably incredibly offensive.

Summing up, the letter calls on ATC and the NPS to come up with a plan to do something about hiker numbers and behavior in a section of the trail that the letter also points out “has no federal designation and is under the control of the Baxter State Park Authority.”  Director Bissell’s letter was of great concern to the AT hiking community, not only because the previous sentence makes no sense, but also because of the not-so-subtle threat that if someone other than BSPA didn’t come up with a solution, THEIR solution might involve “relocating . . . the trail terminus.”




The 2015 Season


Fast forward to July of 2015, when, as a result of his summit shenanigans, record-setter Scott Jurek was cited for drinking alcohol, spilling alcohol, and for having too large a group with him when he did the previously mentioned things with the alcohol.  In a plea deal Jurek pleaded guilty to drinking and was assessed a fine that Penobscot County District Attorney R. Christopher Almy admitted was $300 greater than a public drinking summons would typically carry under state law.  That may seem unfair, but at least he wasn’t cited for speeding.


It was, however, Jurek’s Clif Bar headband that really seemed to bother Director Bissell.  In a Facebook post, Bissell noted that “Scott Jurek’s physical abilities were recognized by corporations engaged in (selling) running and outdoor related products . . . The race vehicle used to support Scott in his run, as well as Scott’s headband, clearly displays these corporate sponsors.”

And as it turns out Baxter does NOT like corporate commercialism, which might come as a bit of a surprise to L.L. Bean, not only because they received four commercial filming permits in Baxter from 2012 to 2013, but also because they sell a line of jackets called “Baxter State Parkas."
Just in case you thought "Baxter
State Parkas" was a joke.
One would think that the simple solution to people breaking the rules in Baxter State Park, regardless of who they are or how they got there, would be for Baxter State Park employees to enforce the rules they are tasked with enforcing.  It turns out that many people stop breaking rules once it becomes clear that there are consequences, which is why, for example, “Mooning The Cog” on Mount Washington isn’t as much of a thing anymore, and why most hikers get Smokies Permits when they hear there’s a Ranger checking for them at Newfound Gap.


But in the past few months there have been a series of meetings involving BSPA, ATC, NPS, MATC, ALDHA, FBSP, and, oh, I don’t know, HYOH, NIMBY, and YMMV, and “enforce the Park rules for everyone” doesn’t seem to have been an option anyone is particularly interested in attempting.


The Proposal


My initial thought was that the solution lay in getting Clif Bar to sponsor every thru-hiker, since it seems that Baxter is only interested in citing high profile, sponsored hikers for the sake of making a point.  This, however, seems like an unlikely solution.  Clif Bar couldn’t possibly be interested in sponsoring hundreds of willfully homeless dirtbags with entitlement issues and delusions of grandeur.  And from the other direction, thru-hikers wouldn’t be interested in Clif Bar sponsorships because after two months of eating them Clif Bars taste like cardboard and despair.

And even if that plan was possible, it wouldn’t account for Baxter’s concerns about the sheer numbers of hikers, because, as previously mentioned, Baxter has a “fixed capacity model” in place.

Unless maybe you’re a visitor who isn’t on the AT.
In 2014 Baxter State Park had 63,049 folks come in through their gates.  Back in 2002 the number was 8,605 people higher (71,654!), or more than four times the number who came into (or out of) the park via the Appalachian Trail in 2014.  I suppose that if you can fit inside a vehicle you can also fit into Governor Percival Baxter’s vision.   

In any case, Baxter apparently can’t handle more AT hikers.  We’ll just have to take their word for it.

So the only rational option left is to bypass Baxter State Park entirely and move the Northern Terminus of the Appalachian Trail to the A.T. Cafe in Millinocket.


The new proposed route for the AT

After crossing Abol Bridge, with its magnificent views of Katahdin, Northbounders would continue along the Golden Road for an additional 19.4 miles and finish their hikes at a terminus sign on the sidewalk in front of the Cafe on Penobscot Avenue.  Along the way they’ll walk along the confusingly named River Pond, enjoy striking views of Millinocket Lake, and try desperately to see and breathe as loggers and hunters throw up clouds of dust at high speeds.  As an added bonus, siting the A.T. on a road means that “thru-hikers” who have been yellow blazing up the trail can get in one last celebratory hitch before heading home and submitting to the ATC for their 2000-Miler certificates and patches.




A triumphant end to a thru-hike!
Moving a terminus may seem extreme, but the A.T. has a history of doing so.  In 1958, the southern terminus of the Appalachian Trail was moved from Mount Oglethorpe (arguably a more dramatic mountain than Springer) after hikers complained about being covered in a thick layer of chicken poop.  Today, southbounders claim that finishing their hikes on Springer is not at all depressing or anti-climactic.

And although they are absolutely lying about that, for the purposes of this editorial we’ll pretend to believe them.

And so it will be with the relatively chicken-poop-free A.T. Cafe.  Northbound hikers will finish their hikes and be able to celebrate by doing things that would be objectionable in the Park -- they can have a beer AND a milkshake without worrying about spilling either on the ground.  They can write their name on things (in this case, ceiling tiles).

Tagging in the AT Cafe.
They can get a place to sleep in town without “strain[ing] the current system beyond its capacity.”  Southbound hikers can start their trip with a cheeseburger AND not have to deal with the logistics of getting to Baxter.  And should a hiker do anything in the A.T. Cafe that the staff finds objectionable, I am confident they will kick the offender out on their ass without feeling the need to enlist the aid of the ATC or complain to the Portland Press Herald.

Bonus: Summit Sundae NOT available on summit of Katahdin.
 As you can imagine, though, I would highly recommend getting a shuttle into Baxter State Park to walk up Katahdin once a thru-hiker’s trip on the A.T. is completed (or before it begins, for southbounders).  It would be a shame to be so close to such a magnificent mountain and not climb it, and who knows when they’d be that close again? 

Of course, at that point Baxter’s distinction between “AT Hikers” (“a user group not defined in [their] trust mission”) and “members of the public” (a group that apparently is part of the trust mission but doesn’t include thru-hikers) disappears.
They’ll just be visitors in the park, no different than any other hiker on the mountain, and their behavior won’t be the responsibility of (or reflect poorly on) anyone but themselves.

The Beginning Of A New Ending?



Photo Credit: Katahdin Photo by Michael Muzzillo