Hiker Vows To "Make the CDT My Bitch"

Shane O'Donnell, Future CDT Speed Record Holder

For Immediate Release 10/26/11

Ignorance and a delusional sense of self-confidence.

That is what Shane O'Donnell will be relying on when he embarks on his bold and quite possibly life-threatening attempt to "not just shatter, but mug at knifepoint and beat senseless" the Continental Divide Trail speed record.

The 41-year-old Roslyn resident plans to depart from the trail's southernmost point in New Mexico early in May - probably on May 1st - in an attempt to complete the trail, which snakes through 5 states from New Mexico to Montana, in record time.

"I'm going to hike the entire CDT in 28 days," says O'Donnell, "I don't just want to break the record.  I want to smash the record into small pieces, sauté those pieces, eat them, and then poop them into a 6-8" deep cathole.  It's kind of a statement for me."

There is some doubt about the possibility of breaking the record, insofar as it doesn't actually exist.  Jackie McDonnell, CDT Guide Book author, explains: “There really isn’t a definitive speed record for the CDT because the trail itself doesn’t have one official route.  There are multiple termini, cutoffs, alternates and foul-weather routes.  Everyone’s CDT hike is unique in the sense that everyone hikes a slightly different (or sometimes greatly different) trail.  Setting a speed record would be meaningless, because it’s incredibly unlikely that any two people would hike the exact same trail.  Seems like poor planning. Is Shane O’Donnell even aware of this?”

Shane is aware of this, but insists that poor planning is part of his strategy.  

“There are a lot of naysayers and haters out there who know an awful lot about the CDT.  But they don’t know anything about me, about my inner drive, my refusal to quit even when what I’m attempting makes no sense whatsoever,” Shane explains, “it’s pretty clear that being completely aware of what I’m facing might crush my unrealistic expectations.”

Even if one assumes that the CDT is, in length, the minimum that has been estimated (approximately 2800 miles), Shane would have to clock 28 straight 100 mile days, including stretches in high altitude mountains that may be impassable due to snow.  Is he up to it?

“People tell me that I’m off the wall.  But that’s where everyone else is.  They’re ‘off the wall’ because they’re ‘on the floor.’  I’m ON the wall, and only I know what that means.  But experience?  Yeah, I’ve got tons.  I was a Boy Scout for a summer when I was, I think, 13.  And when I worked in Boston, the other valets and I once built a huge snow cave that we hung out in instead of working, so I’m comfortable with winter extremes.  Plus I’ve walked more than 30 miles in a day.  I don’t see how 100 miles is much different.  Or 28 of them in a row.”

Such a pace suggests that Shane will need to run, most likely for up to 22 hours per day, but he insists that he will hike unsupported.  Says Shane, “I guarantee that I will not wear underwear for the entire hike.  Wait.  What was the question?”

Though he’ll be unsupported, he expects to be followed, in a sense.

“Yeah, I’ll be tweeting, posting to Instagram, and updating on Facebook.  Then of course there’ll be my website, and my blog, and interviews I’ll do along the way, plus probably some updates on some charity sites I’ll link to in an attempt to get sponsorship and lessen awareness of my overly apparent narcissism.  I expect that everyone will be interested in paying attention to me.  Why wouldn’t they?”

While the answer to that may be painfully obvious to some, Shane insists that he will be inspired by all of the doubters, if not by the natural beauty that surrounds him.

“I’ll be thinking about the doubters the whole way as I beat the CDT so bad it’s own mom doesn’t recognize it,” he says, “I mean, they told Napoleon he couldn’t successfully invade Russia, but he didn’t listen, right?  I know that complete ignorance and self-delusion only gets you so far, but the fact that I won’t back down tells me this is a lock.  When I get done crushing the CDT, the Houston Astros will be making fun of it.” 

When contacted for an opinion, Garret “The Onion” Christensen asked, “What does that last sentence even mean?”

He’ll have to wait until May 2012 to find out.  

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